Creepypasta Critic's Castle Collaboration Celebration (featuring Godofmemez
(American Titan, Godofmemez, and Bonesy are three fellow friends that went into a library in a place called the Scarlet Devil Castle to find some good reads. They each separated into different rooms, when suddenly, the door closed on them. Three different entities confront each of our three heroes, each with a story that must be reviewed for them to escape. What will happen to our heroes? Will they escape? Will they die? Will they ever find something that's actually fun to read in the library? Well now, don't just stand there with your mouth open. Read on. For being a fellow fan of the critics showcased in this epic collaboration, you've earned it.) Intro: What Started It (Bonesy,Memez and Titan were on the Rickroll alone when they all recieved an email from Flandre Scarlet. It read as follows, "Party at Scarlet Devil Mansion! Come see the new Library! Hope to see you there!" (Bonesy:"Well that's weird. Why would she invite me or Titan? I thought she was your friend, Memez." (Memez:"She is, but maybe she's just trying to be nice.Let's fuckin' go anyway, this movie sucks.) (Titan:"Hey! Elf Bowling is a great movie!) (Memez inserted the co-ords into the ship's computer, and they were there within twelve minutes.) (They walked towards the front door, and Remilia and Flandre walked out to meet them.) (Remilia:"Hello Memez, you got here quick.) (Memez:"Sup guys?") (Flandre:"And brought your friends! You must be Bonesy!") (Bonesy bowed, but heard a crack near his lower spine.) (Bonesy:"Yes i am, ummm,Memez?") (Memez:"Yeah?") (Bonesy:"My back broke again.") (Memez gave out a sigh as he put his foot on Bonesy's lower back) (Memez:"Ready?") (Bonesy:"Yeah.") (Memez pushed his foot into Bonesy's back, but instead of fixing it, seperated Bonesy's spine from his hips.Remilia and Flandre were trying as hard as they could to not burst out into laughter.) (Titan:"Need help?") (Titan shoved Bonesy's spine onto his hips, but did it with such force that Bonesy's head popped off.Remilia and Flandre couldn't hold their laughter in for much longer, as they both doubled over laughing) (Bonesy:"Glad to be some entertainment.") (Bonesy finally grabbed his head and shoved it back onto his neck) (Remilia:"So, you really are an animate skeleton.") (Bonesy:"Bonesy Rather, at your service. Forgive me if i don't bow, but it seems to cause complications.") (Flandre:"So this must be Titan, the "Critic".) (Titan gave them both an over-exaggerated bow, while smiling at Bonesy.) (Memez:"So, you guys updated the Library? Funny, i was over here yesterday and the Library wasn't being renovated...") (Remilia:"Well we did it very fast. Come inside, won't you?") (The party walked into the grand halls of Scarlet Devil Castle, and were led over to the Library's doors.) (Flandre:"Just go inside, me and Remilia need to get something.Fufufufu...) (The party walked into the Library, and heard the doors lock behind them. They turned around and heard raucous laughter emanating from the newly locked door.) (Memez:"Well this is fuckin' great.) (Bonesy tried shoving on the door, but vanished soon after.) (Memez:"BONESY!) (Titan, who was also trying to open the doors, vanished as well) (Memez:"This is one big fuckin' mindfuck!") (After he said that,Memez vanished too.) (Titan woke up in a room.The room had a small table with a chair.A computer floated over the table. ) Part 1: Creepypasta Critic’s Cool Collaboration Contribution: Gött(-)er(-)dämm(it)erung Author’s Note: 'This may be somewhat odd, because this review is going on the same page as a review from this fine chap, but thanks goes out to Bonesy for suggesting this pasta to me! I always give credit when credit is due…................................................Except whenever I need to pay on credit for my meal at The Cheesecake Factory! In that case, I just run for the hills after eating in there! –American Titan '(Hello, I’m the Creepypasta Critic! I remember it because it’s my name; what did you expect, dumbasses? Well, as of right now, don’t try to send me any cash donations, because I’m stuck in this…..”Devil Castle” in the library. Apparently, you can’t find a decent Playboy to rent out over here! Shitty Story: ''To defeat, you must review.'' CPC: Yeah, just ignore that floating computer. It’s got a shitty pasta on it that I don’t have the time for now, because I’m STUCK IN A LIBRARY WHERE THERE’S NO FOOD OR BATHROOMS! And even worse, the only things I can jack off to are those old, dead hags on the Golden Girls rental DVD’s. SS: ''To defeat, you must review.'' CPC: I’LL REVIEW YOUR FAMILY BY SLAUGHTERING ALL OF THEM IF YOU DON’T LET ME OUT OF HERE!..............Wait, how could I kill a family of computers? SS: ''To defeat, you must review.'' CPC: SHUT THE HELL UP! GOD! God: ''I’m staying out of this situation. This is your comeuppance.'' CPC: THIS IS THE WORST TIME FOR ME TO EXPERIENCE COMEUPPANCE!!!!! G-d: ''Sorry, man. I haven’t found any new chicks to bang for eternity ever since you made me miss my wedding renewal. So sad, too bad. God, out!'' SS: ''To defeat, you must review.'' CPC: Ok. Just let me be clear for JUST a little, teensy second……………….I DON’T GIVE A FU- Hey, wait a second! SS: ''But I already let you be clear for a seco-'' CPC: Shutthefuckup. If I review what’s on that ugly ass screen of yours, will you die? SS: ''What did you not understand about “To defeat, you must review”?'' CPC: HALLE FUCKING LLUJAH! Just let me get a can of Four Loco out to help as a stress reliever during the review. SS: ''Sorry, man. Can’t let you leave to go to the 7-Eleven across the street.'' CPC: Don’t worry! I’m always prepared for situations like this! *pulls Four Loco can out of butthole* SS: ……………….''You………..are weird.'' CPC: Let’s get it started in here, shall we? SS: We shall.) Berlin, Germany '''April 30, 1945 (Hey! I do the bold font around here!)' ''Fate has taken its '(driving) course.'' Adolf Hitler, C(h')'''ancellor of Germany, allowed the tears to fall freely from his face. '("Well, I'm sure that I could be a movie star, If I could get out of this place!" And quite literally so.) 'His wife, Eva '(Brain under) '''Braun Hitler, lay beside him, the cya(later)nide-induced seizures finally subsiding. He did not cry for her, '''("Eva won't wake up, Hitty," said D.W. "Oh," said Hitler, "that's because she's dead." They both left and didn't care.) though he felt her absence profoundly. No, Hitler cried for the death of Germany (And seeing how Germany is still a country today, this makes PERFECT sense!); the total devastation that had been visited on his country and his people. (I hear Jerusalem bells were ringing Roman Cavalry choirs were singing Be my mirror, my sword and shield My missionaries in a foreign field For some reason I can't explain I know St. Peter won't call my name Never an honest word But that was when I ruled the world)' As if on cue, the walls shuddered as more (“As if on cue,…”. So, this is a theatrical performance?) Slavic shells pounded the lands he had ruled absolutely for over twelve years. Above, the men and women of his country were being slaughtered and brutalized. The thought of his capital and his people under the thrall of the Marxist untermenschen was horrific (Um, I know there’s definitions at the bottom of the original story, but………..WHY DID YOU INCLUDE GERMAN WORDS? I know it’s about Hitler, but come on! English is the most common language spoke worldwide! Oh well, at least it’s not like Pokemanはepisudeを失った on the Trollpasta Wiki. Oh yeah, I’ll get to an “I CAN HAZ TRANSLATION?” story soon.), and yet now it seemed inevitable. If only Great Britain had seen the value in alliance, if only his Generals had led better against the Soviets, if only (Germany hadn’t killed millions of Jews in concentration camps)... Hitler's hands shook so violently at his thoughts that he dropped the cyanide capsule and handgun. His body was deteriorating, the disease he had carried with him since his early years was finally winning-out. (“winning-out”? The fuck does THAT mean? Just say his body’s decaying or some shit like that. God, the writer can’t even write ENGLISH WORDS correctly! '''God: ''And it’s my problem, because? CPC: Oops! Sorry, God! Just another slip up! G-d: ''That’s nice. Because now, you made me miss my son’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese! And he’s just one year from being allowed by us to go down to Earth and spread my new religion that I made called burgerism! More comeuppance for you in the future!'' CPC: I hate my life. G-d: ''God, out!)'' The Chancellor's mind wandered then, his thoughts going to his past in Vienna. His meager existence, the sights and sounds, the smells and the newspapers, the children in the streets…'(and best of all, the sausage! Although if you vacation to Vienna, just don’t go to any parties. They’re all sausage fests.' Shitty Story: ''Booooooooooooooo! Bad joke!'' CPC: I can’t wait to kill you when I finish up.) Their eyes missing, black sockets staring at him. '(Well, this escalated quickly.)' As if stumbling over something in a dark room, a memory startled him out of his reflections. Horrified at the macabre (& cheese), unnatural image burning into his consciousness, he shook himself back to the present. He was shaking all-over now, his body moist with sweat. (Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake it all the time Work, work, work, Senora, work your body line Work, work, work, Senora, work it all the time Senora, she's a sensation The reason for aviation And fellas, you got to watch it When she wind up, she bottom, she go like a rocket Jump in the line, rock your body in time! OK, I believe you! Jump in the line, rock your body in time! Hoist those guns a little higher! Jump in the line, rock your body in time! Up the chimney! Jump in the line, rock your body in time! Whooooa!)' His wife's body was still warm. (OHHHHHH KAAAAAAY. What, did the writer need to tell us that because warm bodies are ideal for sex or something?) 'The Soviets seemed to be dropping everything they could over his head, the dull thumps and crashes never ceasing for a moment. The Walther PPK '(OK. Still trying to find out what a Kefka 'laugh and what “Poyo” sounds like. Let’s add “Walther PPK” to the “Drug-Induced Writing Indications” list.) '''was cradled in his lap, '(Oh, so Walther PPK is a baby!.............Right?) 'the brass cyanide capsule close by. '(Woah now, Hitler! You’ve killed more than 3 million people in those camps of yours, but killing a BABY? Torture him this instant!)' Fate has taken it's course '(outline). (Also, thank you SO MUCH for that repetition! What’s a shitty pasta without it?) ' Steeling his battered nerves, Hitler grasped the two items in each hand. '(I’ve eaten some good battered fish in my day, but battered Hitler nerves are another story. They must be so delicious, though, that Hitler is willing to steal them!' '''Shitty Story:'' If I could have the permanent right until death to boo your jokes, I would.'' CPC: Guess which route I’ll be taking on that decision, jackass.) Taking several calming breaths in preparation, he looked around the''' (edith)' bunker that would be his tomb. In the shadowed corner, stood ''him. He wore a deep black suit, his head cocked to the side. Though Hitler could not discern the creature's facial features, he knew there would be none. (Woah! Hitler’s a mind reader, just like the protagonist from Buttercup.avi! They should get engaged.)' This was Der Großmann, a name Hitler knew, and yet could not remember from where or when. '''(………………………..Is the writer SERIOUS?..................................*drinks whole can of Four Loco in ten seconds*)' Der Großmann did not move, his unnaturally-elongated body swaying like the branches of a tree. The creature reached fully to the ceiling of the bunker, yet Hitler knew the creature could become much taller. Though the being did not have any shape or contours to his head, the Chancellor recognized it was looking at him. '''(He took the SLENDERMAN route? Wow! And I thought the Slenderman asspull from “The real story of ticci toby” was bad, but at least that story had obvious fictional elements in it! This writer is reaching new, nonfictional heights of shitty writing!) '''The shelling above seemed to muffle, and the air in the room began to thicken, and Hitler knew the creature was going to speak. ''You were not to see me as I observed you ending your life. (Strange. Slenderman never figuratively jacked off to suicide in any iteration of himself.' Shitty Story: ''At least he CAN get off to something that isn’t a Playboy magazine.'' CPC: STOP TALKING!!! I’m jacking off pretty well for a Golden Girls DVD cover and you know it!) The monster's voice was like three beings speaking in unison: a sultry (lololololololol im so smart) female, a young child, and an elderly man. The elderly man held primacy of the three at the moment; Hitler knew the creature could change the primary voice to express itself in place of facial features. Hitler sat frozen, his eyes wide. He tried to speak, but his mouth was dry and his mind was blank. (and his penis was small and his 6 pack was faded, but his brown hair was still growing. Seriously, though, I don’t get that “blonde hair & blue eyes” crap.) T'(u)'mors set upon his hands again, yet this time he held on to the cyanide and handgun. The noise outside seemed to cease, and the only noise the Fuhrer could perceive was his shuddering breath.' ' Memories, images from nightmares and thoughts he had suppressed flooded his mind. Though the scenes and the events were all different, always were there the black-sockets of children, and always the Großmann was present. (What? You thought that Slenderman also paid attention to his dozens of other victims? You’re a fucking DUMBASS!) Places from Hitler's past seemed to be re-told in his mind's eye; (Advanced eye you got there.) the creature was there at the Putsch, was at his inauguration in '33. (Fun Fact: There’s a small franchised mini golf company in Germany. It’s called… Shitty Story:'' Please, don’t say any more jokes. I honestly don’t care if they’re good as of now.'' CPC: Putsch Putsch Mini Golf! SS: ''Ow, my aching head!'' CPC: How can your head ache? You’re a computer!) From Sudetenland to Paris, it had been there. Watching. The monster in the corner spoke again, this time the voice was lead by the woman. are remembering now. This was unexpected. (You know what? You’re right! This WAS completely unexpected! I never expected to see a pasta so badly written today!)' The Fuhrer was finally able to recapture his voice. "What do you mean?" '''(Mr. Potato Head: I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed! BY WOODY!)' ''[You have been declared a failure, like Hess, Göring, and Himmler. That you can see and speak to me now means (Teen Titans Episode 65:) things (have perhaps) changed.] '' The voices seemed to cause pain to Hitler, yet he felt his ire(n man)' rising at the mentioning of the three men. "They all abandoned me, abandoned Germany at her most dire hour. They would sell us to the United States, the Slavs and the filthy Jews! They-" '(To be fair, the writer is telling a story where Hitler is receiving his own comeuppance for killing so many innocent people in the concentration camps, putting Hitler in the wrong. Too bad that this pasta, except for this correct punishment, is drugged up beyond all belief.)' ''I have been at your side the entire time. I am aware of their failures. '' Hitler fell silent, his eyes falling on the handgun and cyanide. "They failed me. Germany has failed me. '''(IT’S NO USE! IT’S NO FUCKIN’ USE! I FAIL! MY FAIL! ARIN FAILS, SILVER FAILS, SONIC FAILS!!!!!) '''The untermenschen(’s frozen yogurt)' will destroy everything that my people strove to build. It is all over." The as'(s)hen male voice returned. ''are a pathetic man, ruler of a dying Empire. Your hubris''(ky boots)'' brought things to where they are now. '' The Führer started, his ears not used to hearing such naked accusation and criticism. '''(Aw, poor guy. He must not have seen many naked things in his life. After all, I think he was only married to Eva just a couple of days before his suicide.)' "You presume-" ' The air suddenly tasted of metal, '''(“Woah! The air smells like METAL! *sticks tongue out* It even TASTES like metal! This is all so new and spectacul-OW, OW, OW!!! OH GOD, PIECES OF METAL ARE GETTING INTO MY THROAT AND NASAL PASSAGES!!! I NOW TASTE ALL OF THE BLOOD POURING OUT OF MY BOD……y……”)' and the lights seemed to dim. The child's voice took primacy(’s department store), and Hitler felt true fear weigh down his shoulders. '''(“I just saw Slenderman, he just talked to me in a horrific tone, retelling me all of my sins. No biggie. HOLY FUCK! A CHILD’S COMING MY WAY! THIS IS SO SCARY, I’M CALLING THE COPS!”) ''' ''do not presume, manling. Your defeat was known well before now. You will watch your tone and show deference, bunkerführer.''' Hitler did not breathe, did not move, '(did not eat, did not sleep, did not piss LIKE I’M DOING RIGHT NOW!'' '*Shitty Story blows a raspberry to tease the Critic*)' as he watched Der Großmann ''lift his arms towards him. Though he stood in a corner several feet away the hands easily reached the Chancellor's bed. Hitler did not resist, did not flinch, as the hands grasped the cyanide capsule and handgun, and pulled them out of his shaking grasp. The Fuhrer watched as the two items seemed to melt into the miasma '(THERE’S GERMAN LAVA IN THE ROOM THAT HITLER’S IN?!?!?) that now enveloped the corner. ' After a moment, the air seemed to return, the darkness formed back into Der Großmann's ''shape, and the voice of the woman was loudest of the three. 'was not an expected outcome, Adolf Hitler. It is a welcome surprise, both to myself and my Master. You have fulfilled the prophecy, you''' are indeed the Messiah. '' ''(Wait, wait, wait………………Hitler…..survived some tests by Slenderman…..so……HE’S BEING REWARDED FOR IT?!? HE’S NOW THE ALMIGHTY PERSON ADMIRED BY JEWS?!? JEWS?!?!? OK, WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS WRITER SMOKE? THE JEWS?!?!? HOW INSULTING! THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! HITLER’S REWARDED FOR WHAT HE’S DONE? LOOK AT THE CONCENTRATION CAMPS! THIS IS PURE BULLSHIT!'' '*In the midst of Critic’s longest rage yet, Shitty Story dies a slow and painful death*' '''SS: *quietly* ''We shall me again sometime, Critic. Sometime… CPC: *After rage, he takes a few breathers and calms down to regain sanity and looks at the library around him. He sees that Shitty Story has died.* ''' '''Woah. I almost forgot that the review’s over and I killed him……………Well, that’s a relief! So that was Götterdämmerung, and……..boy, that last part was something. I’d summarize this pasta’s flaws if I could, but there’s honestly too many to tell, and I have to get out of that open library door right this minute.' '''*The Critic runs for the exit, but right as he tries to open the door, it locks instantly. Some other evil force is trapping the Critic inside of the library*' '''CPC: Ugh! This door won’t OPEN! Come on! I’m pulling it tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!................*The Critic tries so hard that he breaks the door handle and falls hard on the ground with it.* WHAT DOES THIS LIBRARY WANT FROM ME?!?!?'' Oiram: ''Oh, Critic. I have a surprise for you.'' CPC: Holy fuck….. Part 2: Memez's Collab Contribution: Wii C(OCKS)U(CKER) MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER ROOM IN THE LIBRARY... Memez: Okay, guys. Looks like it's my round. Anyway, the pasta I'll be fucking up in this collab is called Wii C U, which involves a half-assed secret society which is based off A FUCKING GAME CONSOLE. Let's not waste any more time here-''' '''Flandre: But wait didn't Bonesy always say that? Memez: Oh please, I don't care about that. Let's go anyway!) Introduction I know that you will think I'm insane while reading this (Memez: If you think people can believe this then you're fucking insane), but I ask you to please hear me out. We all have seen and heard some creepy and disturbing things in video games (Memez: No, not everyone in the motherfucking world has heard of "creepy" and "disturbing" things in video games, especially hobos. Seriously, through, are you hallucinating?). For example, (the nuclear control system) Dead Hand from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, BEN, or even Pokemon Creepy Black. The thing is, what I found in my Wii U and its box is beyond creepy and shocking (Memez: Everything scary IS creepy and shocking, there's nothing beyond that you dumb shit.). What (The Fuck Just) '''Happened (?) It all started with me, standing in line to go into GameStop. "11:55pm," I said with a smile, "5 more minutes until I can get my hands on a Wii U!" It was very cold and dark '''(Memez: So, the shop itself was cold and dark? If the shop is dark then that means it is closed because there were no lights on you high fuck, but why are you still in the store?) and I could feel my fingers starting to (literally) get a frostbite, but I didn't care. I was really excited and glad that the Wii U was finally going to be released (Memez: What the fuck is up with explanation errors in this pasta? It was going to be released, but they're already being delivered to the GameStop. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!). I grew up with Nintendo video games and it made my childhood very enjoyable (Memez: Okay, now I know. Thanks for clarifying.) I am still having a great time playing today! I began to grow impatient, so I passed the time by thinking of the good old days with Nintendo. Before I knew it, the doors were open. I was really close to the front of the line, so I didn't have to wait much longer (Memez: Am I going to need all of this shit?). Once I was at the counter, I decided to purchase the Deluxe Set, so I could get more things and memory. "Here you are, sir. Thank you for shopping at GameStop," the cashier said with a very tired voice (Memez: Oh, and I forgot. The beginning of this pasta has the same video game shop cliche popping out in every creepypasta involving video games that has been fucking done to death. Think up more creative ideas you dumb shit.). I rushed out of the store with a huge grin, like a child getting the toy they have always wanted. I hopped into my car and began to drive home. On the way home, I noticed that there was only one car on the road with me (Memez: Oh, I'm sure there can be still more cars in the road if it was a fucking city, except if your city was entirely populated by hobos). This car was very dark green and it looked very suspicious (Memez: What about, you go full GTA and DRIVE-BY!!!!). It seemed to be following me, but I just ignored that thought and saw it as a coincidence. The car went a different way as soon as I drove onto my home street. I tried to ignore what just happened, but I still felt really nervous about the car. As I entered my house, I wanted to play the Wii U, but it was already 1:28am and I was exhausted (Memez: Shouldn't it be sensible to take a fucking bath?) I placed the Wii U box on a table in the living room, got ready for bed, then I tried to go to sleep. After a few minutes, I realized that I was too excited to go to sleep. I was a kid on Christmas Eve, who couldn't wait to open their gifts that they convinced their parents to let them open them at midnight (Memez: So do you have parents or not? If you don't have free will yet you don't have parents is there a fucking paranormal force in your house or what?). I sprang out of bed, walked to the living room, sat down on the sofa, and just stared at the box. It was staring back at me, tempting me to open it and play, and I could have sworn it said my name (Memez: Game Box: "Please kindly open me when you stop hallucinating on what you're smoking.). I immediately grabbed a knife that I left on the same table and began to open the box. "There it is," I said in a deep, serene voice, "my own Wii U." I removed the game pad out of the box and savored the moment. After that, I placed it gently onto the sofa. I continued looking through the box, just to see what else was inside. Everything seemed normal, until I found a strange note in the very back of the box. It was the Wii U logo, but it had a big, black oval above it with a red "C'" in the center. Under the oval, there was a black arrow pointing to the space between "Wii" and "U". This instantly puzzles me. I thought, "Who could have put this in here? A prank by a Nintendo or a GameStop worker?" '(Memez: I'm pretty sure it was a prank by a GameStop worker on heroin) I flipped the note over, and it had a message. It read: "Looks like you're the one who was chosen for "'this'". Turn on the Wii U and '''get ready". I couldn't comprehend what was going on '''(Memez: Like high people can get a grip of what the fuck is going on.). I was too frightened to react (Memez: So, seeing just a strange note in your Wii U box causes you to become excessively freaked out? Why couldn't you just burn it?). I ran straight to bed and tried my best to go to sleep. After about an hour, I was fast asleep. I had a nightmare that night. Everywhere I went, that same note would appear (Memez: *sigh* What the fuck am I reading?). It tormented me for the entire dream and it ended when I was crushed by a gigantic note (Memez: Okay, this asshole author has offically got his shit together. Even if it's in a freaking nightmare, a note big as an elephant cannot crush you into the ground.). I woke up at 2:56am, and I was terrified. I remember that there is a psychological fact that stated: "If you wake up around 2-3am for no reason, there is an 80% chance that someone is staring at you''" (Memez: Mostly likely false. I think a bug might have crawled on you or a small earthquake you might haven't noticed came in and woke you up.). I was '''(literally) '''a turtle, hiding myself in my bed sheets. I tried to think of happy thoughts, but all I saw was the note. After a few minutes, I began to calm myself down by saying to myself that I was just overreacting '''(Memez: You are, because you are hallucinating). I managed to convince myself it was just all in my head. I was starting to fall asleep, until I thought I heard something. It sounded like someone was reaching into a bag of chips and then munching on them (Memez: Why would someone do that around your house? Did a robber was so hungry they munched all of your chips and leave a dirty mess?). The sound came from outside. I looked out my window in terror and saw nothing but darkness. Still, the sound was gradually getting louder and louder. I am now certain that someone or something was outside (so hungry they munched all my potato chips). I took another long look through the window. This time I saw a dark figure standing outside and it was watching me. It seemed to be the body of a human. It felt like I've been staring at the figure for hours, but it has only been a few minutes (Memez: So, I'm assuming you're hallucinating). After a few more minutes, it started creeping up closer and closer to the window. It was like a crocodile creeping up to its prey. I was sitting there, completely helpless (Memez: You know, you should have the balls to get a self-defense weapon or something at this point, because you haven't mentioned that the entity was holding a gun or had one in its pockets.). '''When it was finally at the window, it said to me in a very creaky, yet calm voice, "Don't worry, I mean no harm. As long as you do as I say." It was a lady. I nod to what she said. "Turn on that Wii U and get ready'." She walked into the shadows and vanished. I believe that she is the one who put the note in the box. I did as she said and turned on the game pad, but I'm still not sure what the picture means or what "get ready" is supposed to mean '(Memez: FUCKING GREAT! The confused reactions of the protagonist represent how high he is.). It seemed to start up normally, until the screen turned black. After a few minutes, the same picture on the note showed up. Then, it showed a dark figure sitting at a conference table. It said in a serious voice, "Hello, you are probably wondering who I am, what the note means, that car that followed you home, the person at your window, and a lot more things '''(that are all your hallucinations). Some of you're questions will be answered. I can't tell you who I am yet (Memez: Hiding yourself in anonymity doesn't hide how miserable you are. *sigh* do I remember the quote correctly?), but I will tell you who we are. We are the '''''Wii C U. That's what the picture on the note means." I looked at the note. I noticed that the oval looked like an eye and the "C'" was the pupil. "We put a note in only one game system box whenever a new game system comes out," '(Memez: Soooooooo, these retards put these notes in a game system box when a new one came out but Wii U came out last year? What the fuck is up with the logic in this concept?) '''he continued, "The person who receives the note is automatically part of the Wii C U, but to become an official member, they must sacrifice everything they have and be tested (Memez: Plus, the bolded emphasis show how high this society is). Don't think it's impossible to complete the tests and sacrifices, we already have some official members. The person who followed you home in a green car is an official member and he is a person who has gone missing. The person who was at you're window earlier is also an official and a person who has gone missing. (Memez: If they still exist then why are they labelled as missing? Are they made up of Mentalis, or hallucinations?) Yes, when you join, you'll be accounted as missing. If you choose not to join, we will "collect" you. Why? It is because it is too much work to put one of our notes in a sealed box (Memez: Then why don't any of you retards hop on a helicopter, then wildly throw notes everywhere so an entire city can become a part of the Wii Asshole?).' '''When someone is "collected" we have to put another note inside another game system box. Some people thought we were joking about "collecting" them '(Memez: Wait, if multiple people knows about you assholes "collecting" or whatever that is, then are you even a motherfucking secret society? You could just have said that people INSIDE the goddamn society has got their shit together!). They were very foolish people. Those who tried running were caught instantly. So, what do you say?" (Memez: Jeez, my mind. Is this going to end up like the Illuminati? The Mind: I'm sure they are Illuminati time travelers made up of hallucinations experienced by a 6 year old who came to the era where the Game Boy was born. Okay, I'm outta here) I didn't know what to think. I was really nervous and I'm starting to sweat. "Yes," I said in a normal voice, "I will join the Wii C U." (Memez: Oh, and I forgot to mention. "cu" is brazilian for anus, and I knew this from a comment on the original article! So, I guess everyone in the half-assed organization are high assholes, then.) "Good '(game)," he said, "you will begin your tests... now." Everything went pitch black in the blink of an eye (Memez: Sorry, cannot find any taunt quotes here. Good job, asshole author). I was terrified. I walked around and felt my surroundings. I felt a few crates and metal pipes. "I'm not in my house anymore..." I whispered. Suddenly, I saw a light in the corner of my eye. I dashed to it. When I stepped into the light, I was in a strange world. It looked very familiar, but I couldn't figure it out. I looked down at myself; I looked like I was an 8-Bit character. I gasp. I realized where I was. I was in the Super Mario Brothers game! '(Memez: And that's considering you're hallucinating since the start of the story) It seemed awesome at first, but then I heard a voice that sounded a lot like F.L.U.D.D.'s voice (Super Mario Sunshine) (Memez: How come they resort using F.L.U.D.D's voice in this one? Can't someone just come in and announce something in their fucking mic?). It said, "The test will begin shortly. Every test is one level in each game you have ever played. You must complete the level to continue to the next. If you fail just once, you will be "collected" (Memez: So, are they Wii U games? This author is clearly fucking high. To be fair, except for the fact that this protagonist is high as fuck, this guy obviously didn't played these games yet they had to experience every single second of drugged experiences in video games for no fucking logical reason.). I was terrified now. I was worried they will give me a level that I'm terrible at. "The test will begin in: 3..." the voice said. I'm shaking in fear. "2..." I gulp in panic. "1..." I calm myself. "(Teen Titans) Go!" I started to run forward. I was apprehensive throughout the entire test. I had a different perspective of the game than what I was used to. The enemies were bigger, the holes were longer, and everything expanded greatly in size. I managed to beat the first test with ease (Memez: Wait, if you were so apprehensive about it, then why did you managed to beat it with ease?! This protagonist is high beyond belief.). When I walked into the castle at the end of the level, everything went pitch black. I looked around, but there was no exit (Memez: Because it was pitch black dumbass!). Suddenly, I found myself laying down in bed. "Was it all a dream?" I asked myself (Memez: No, it is a fucking hallucination sequence after you took three LSDs in a row!) I looked down at myself. I was back to normal. Everything felt normal, as if nothing ever happened (Memez: And then everyone fucking lived happily ever after. Okay, that's pretty much it, the fucking end.), when I saw there was something under my pillow (Memez: ...). It was a note with the Wii C U symbol. It had a note on the back, which read: "Congratulations. You've passed the first test, but only the first out of 651. Expect 50 new tests every night. YOU MAY NOT TELL ANYONE ANYTHING ABOUT THE WII C''(OCKS)U''(CKER) UNTIL YOU ARE AN OFFICIAL MEMBER OF THE WII C''(OCKS)U(CKER)!" l listened to the warning. Every night was a different test. I had to beat "The Manta Storm" level from Super Mario Sunshine, the first level of Resident Evil 4 (Wii edition), and so on. Each test was harder than the last, as expected. After 2 weeks, I was finally done with the tests and I became an official member of the Wii C U. '(Memez: Holy shit. This kid actually manages to finish those levels even through he was terrible at some of them? Is logic fucking itself up again?)' Today I still am a current member of the Wii C U.. Since I'm supposed to be missing, I can't reveal my name '(Memez: It's okay anyway. You're already nonexistent anyway.). What I wrote above this is all that I can reveal about the Wii C U. What we really do is '''Top Secret (Memez: I'm sure they put notes embedded with LSD on them, which explains why this story fucks logic at points.). Nobody outside the Wii C U knows that much about us. I would love to reveal more, but I can't or I'll be "collected". All I can say is, be very cautious with what you buy, especially if it's a video game console. You might end up having to join the Wii C U... (Memez: Sure, I'll be careful. ALRIGHT, END OF STORY.) (Memez: So that was Wii C U... *goes into a fit of mirgraine* WHAT AN AMAZING HALLUCINATION SEQUENCE! A PASTA ABOUT A SECRET SOCIETY... BASED ON A VIDEO GAME CONSOLE, WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?!?! GUYS, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE I'M ON LSD COMBINED WITH MARIJUANA? Remilia: Yeah, that sucks. Memez: HOLY FUCK, THEY PUT THESE MARIJUANA-EMBEDDED NOTES IN NEW VIDEO GAME CONSOLES?!?! THEY ARE BASED ON WII U YET IT WAS RELEASED ONLY A YEAR AGO?!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH LOGIC IN THIS PASTA... Okay, fuck it. I need to calm down. After all, my epic rage could possibly blow up three schools... Flandre: But what is a schoo-''' '''Memez: Nightmare in physical form. Trust me, it's actually worse than being trapped alone. Anyway, I heard my friends are invited here but where the hell are they at? Are they currently drinking beer with each other? Remilia: Uh, I don't know. Memez: Alright, I'm gonna go investigate myself then. Flandre: Fufufu, good luck. Memez: *sigh* I know what you're thinking... *Memez looks around the library as he sees the Creepypasta Critic himself attempting to get out the library, before the door before him got slammed shut. Memez: Holy fuck. Now what's up with this? Flandre: Shhh, it's a prank.) Part 3: Bonesy's Collab Contribution: Rally-X(XX PORN) (IN THE FINAL SEPARATE ROOM OF THE LIBRARY...) (Bonesy awoke in a cold room, as a scroll floated in front of him.) (Whispers and murmurs coming from the scroll told him "criticize") (Bonesy:"Sooo, i have to....criticize you to win?") (The scroll in front of him shivered in a vague yes.) (Bonesy:"Well, why not? Let's do this!) I still can't believe what happened. (Bonesy:"But DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAAAGIC, IN A YOUNG GIRL'S HEART...) I worked at the arcade. (Bonesy:"Pffft,nerd.) It was only briefly, because the arcade closed down after eight months. (Bonesy:"Much to the dismay of many mothers, as it meant that their sons wouldn't leave the basement until anther one was built.) The arcade was in this small building that used to be the local Goodwill store until it moved to a bigger location. (Bonesy:"Will this be on the test?) After that the building was for rent, and in came the arcade. (Bonesy:"That building is a whore.") The arcade had some of the newest arcade games, which made it's closing surprising to me. (Bonesy:"Am i ever going to need ANY of this information?) I have to face the fact that arcades don't really stay in business much these days, because people can play games in their own homes (Bonesy:"Insert old man reminiscing about the past here.) But still,you can't get an experience like "Dark Escape 4d" (Bonesy:"WHAT THE FUCK IS A DARK ESCAPE 4D???) at home, or anything with motion simulators for that matter. (Bonesy:"Bitch pls, Oculus Rift.") The arcade dedicated one section of the building to classic arcade games. (Bonesy:"Two things. 1. They'd be stupid not too. 2.Am i going to need ANY of this??") They had Pac-man,Donkey Kong,Road Blasters, a Black Knight pinball machine, TRON, and a bunch of space shooters,among some other titles. (Bonesy:"No Dig Dug? And also, HOLY SHIT RUN-ON SENTENCES.) Right in the corner of the classic arcade games section was an old Rally-X. (Bonesy:"What the hell is a Rally-X?") When gamers actually did come in to play games, Rally-X wasn't exactly their first choice. (Bonesy:"Are you gonna answer me writer? The fuck is a Rally-X??") It actually was a bit dusty, and it was pretty old looking. (Bonesy:"Old LOOKING? So it's new, but looks old?) I remember trying to scrub some obscenities someone wrote on the machine in permanent marker. (Bonesy:"These obscenities were green in color, but then they had a grey overtone. You may wonder what caused this...) Ugh, i hate it when people make my job harder! (Bonesy:"GOD FORBID SOMEONE MAKES YOUR ENTITLED ASS WORK FOR MONEY! Lazy cunt...") One day after work i noticed the Rally-X machine was on a level. (Bonesy:"Level one? Two? Three?...You've been giving obscure details all this time, why not now?")' 'I guessed someone had abandoned their game, and i felt sorry for it, so i played it. '(Bonesy:"Weirdo.") Yeah, i'm strange, i know, shut up. (Bonesy:"I didn't add that. That was the actual sentence. FUCK YOU.") Anyhow, i went over and grabbed the joystick and began moving the car around, (Bonesy:"Rally was nervous at first, but after i sweet talked him his joystick doubled in size.) but i couldn't find any flags, and there was nothing on the radar. (Bonesy:"The writer automatically assumes we know anything about Rally-X.We don't. Stop.) There were no rocks, no enemies, nothing but the blue car. (Bonesy:"Again,i know nothing about Rally-X.") I was about to unplug the game and plug it back in, when a loud crash sound came from the game,scaring the crap out of me. (Bonesy:"Racing game, crash sounds, seems kinda.... how do i say this.... normal?") I looked up to see what happened and saw the words, "Don't do that!", on the screen. What the crap? (Bonesy:"First swear out of your mouth is "What the crap"? ARE YOU FUCKING NINE???") Then the game over came up and it went back to normal. I looked in the quarter box and discovered that there was no quarter in the box at all. (Bonesy:"I was waiting to pop out in that damn box. He didnt even notice me, and he closed it before i could've popped out.) No one had been playing. (Bonesy:"Liar, Casper was playing that game.") The next day i put in a quarter during break and played the game, but nothing happened. (Bonesy:"Maybe you handled his joystick too roughly.) So i stayed after work that night. (Bonesy:"One question... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STAYING AFTER HOURS YOU FUCKING COCKMOLLUSK?!?! WAS IT A HUNCH?!? DO YOU NOT HAVE FAMILY OR PETS THAT NEED FEEDING?!?!") Sure enough, the game started without any quarters being inserted, and there was nothing but the car. (Bonesy:"Sure enough? SURE ENOUGH?? ) I decided to try something. (Bonesy:"Anal?") I looked around to make sure no one was watching, knowing full well this was crazy, (Bonesy:"IS he actually going to try anal? Holy shit, i can bend reality.) and then i started talking to the game. (Bonesy:"..." FUCKING WHY??????!??!?!??LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID,WRITER!!! NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER FUCKING HAND, AND THEY AREN'T FUCKING CHEAP!!!") Hi. (Bonesy:"Hello.....was it meeee youuu were lookin' for?") The machine buzzed for a moment, and then the word "Hello" appeared on the screen. (Bonesy:"Sentient video game.Sentient. Video. Game. SENFUCKINGTIENT VIDEO FUCKING GAME?!?!?") I was a bit startled, (Bonesy:"NO SHIT SHERLOCK, A VIDEO GAME JUST FUCKING TALKED TO YOU!!") since i wasn't even sure if it was going to work.I stuttered for a bit, trying to think of what to say next.I decided to start with the basics and asked, "What's your name?". (Bonesy: "Ebony Ivory Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, but just call me AngelofDeath the Killer.) In response the title screen came up,but instead of saying Rally-X it just said Rally. (Bonesy:"When is this going to get scary? After pointless plot details? Okay.") That's you're name? (Bonesy:"I didn't misspell that. That was what he wrote.") I asked, to which the game replied with the game theme. (Bonesy:"AGAIN,I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RALLY-X.The theme could be the Silent Hill nurse dry humping a thermonuclear fuel rod for all i know.") I assumed that i was talking to the racer shown on the side of the game. (Bonesy:"Nope, you were talking to a kid who drowned. Think his name was Ben, or Jerry or....") So i talked to Rally for a while,and i came back every day after work. (Bonesy:"He was a bit shy at first,but when i came back at night Christia-I MEAN- Rally was a freak.) I noticed none of the other games talked, just Rally.I asked Rally why this was, to which he replied (Bonesy:"Lolololol im sew smardt.) that he was better than the other games, (Bonesy:"Not better than whatever the fuck Dark Escape 4d is.) which surprised me since he never seemed full of himself before.One day he asked me if he could tell me something, (Bonesy:"You know i'm a dude, right?") and i said sure. Then all of the sudden the text he used to talk turned black. (Bonesy:"Once you go black...) It said,"I came into this world with high expectations. I had good graphics,unique gameplay, all of the ingredients to a successful game. In 1980 at the AMOA trade show,i was told i was the best of the best. But i didn't even come in third place. I still don't understand it. (Bonesy:"I don't either Rally.When is this gonna get creepy? Like, you know, Creepypasta?") I did moderately well, but i can't get over this fact that i don't live up to the expectations placed on me.What made Pac-Man better than me? We were both maze games, but people liked his maze better that mine. He got his own cartoon for pete's sake! (Bonesy:"Who the fuck is Pete??? Not really a story criticism, but i don't understand the saying.") And what did i get? (Bonesy:"Sentience? Free speech? A guy who handles your joystick for free?") One sequel and a dozen cheap ripoffs. After reading this i felt slightly disturbed.Rally knew so much about the outside world, but i also felt sorry for him. Then, he started ranting about how his graphics were better than Pac-Man's and Defender's and how he should have become famous. (Bonesy:"And how he should've gotten an affedavit for his wife, and how he should've voted for Pedro as Class President...") He wasn't sad, like i initially thought. He was jealous and bitter.Eventually the game went back to the start screen, and when i tried talking to the game i realized the janitor was right behind me (Bonesy:"He was taking deep whiffs of my hair,while staring at a picture of Heather Locklear.") asking what the heck i was doing still here and why i was talking to a video game. (Bonesy:" Protagonist:Because i have at least eighty mental diseases.") It was closing time and i had to go home. (Bonesy:"Didn't stop you before.") I didn't get much sleep that night. What Rally said bugged me. At work a kid came to me with a problem. (Bonesy:" Kid:Hair is starting to grow in weird places,and pimples are on my face, and my voice is weird. Can you help me, random worker?") Pac-man wasn't working right.I looked at the screen and saw the game was on the kill screen that usually popped up when the player reached level 256, (Bonesy:"I never get past level nine. Also,why do we need this information?") but the kid had just started the game. I gave the kid his quarter back,and put the "Out of order" sign on the machine, but i saw the car from Rally-X drive across the screen. No one else seemed to notice. (Bonesy:"That's because you're a psychopath who talks to vidya gaemes.) I didn't want to stay after work that day,but i was worried Rally might do something worse if i didn't. (Bonesy:"Like write swears on the side of a machine in permanent marker. STOP MAKING ME WORK FOR MONEY!") I put my phone on a charger before going to talk to Rally.When i went to talk to him, he was bragging about what he had done, and it kinda sickened me how sadistic he was being, (Bonesy:"Creepypasta rule No.8 :Anything related to computers will become sadistic at one point.) taking joy that the game was out of order and might be taken out of the arcade.He started going into detail, saying he could imagine it rotting in a scrapyard (I don't think he really understands broken games don't go to scrapyards like broken cars do.) (Bonesy:"THEY DON'T!?!?! Five years of dumpster diving for Polybius, all for naught.) and he implied that he was going to take out some other games next. (Bonesy:"Is he a fuckin' fifties mobster?") I got really mad. (Bonesy:"YOU'RE MAKING MY JOB HARD YOU FRICK, STOP IT.") He was taking out other games to try and get gamers to play his.I started yelling at him, (Bonesy:"Like a psychopath.") telling him how sick he was,not caring if the janitor or anyone else heard and thought i was crazy. (Bonesy:"No one thinks it, unnamed protagonist. They KNOW it.") When i was done,for what seemed like hours but was probably a few minutes, the room was silent.Then,the game screen started flickering.The screen showed Rally, furious at me. He stated that he could do whatever he wanted,and i couldn't do anything about it. (Bonesy:"GOD MOM, I'M A GROWN MAN. I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT.I'M GOING TO JOIN LINKIN PARK!") I told him i could, and went for the (butt)'plug to prove my point, but when i touched it, it burned my hand.The game was making loud high pitched sounds, my hand was throbbing with pain, and i started crying. '(Bonesy:"Pussy.") I was so scared.Then the screen stopped flickering,the game sounds stopped,and all was quiet except for my crying.I got up and looked at the screen. "I'm sorry" it said. (Bonesy:"Sentient vidya gaem with a conscience?? Fuck this shit ) I was confused, and then the game broke down.The whole cabinet was hot.Rally had overheated himself in his rage. (Bonesy:"And then everyone fucked and died the end.) Some repairmen tried to see what happened,but they couldn't explain how a game just suddenly overheated.My employer concluded (Bonesy:"Because fuck just saying "My boss said". Gotta just be a fancy mothafucka, don'tcha?") that because the game was so old, it just malfunctioned,but i knew better. One thing i know is that Rally isn't dead. (Bonesy:" WHAT A TWEEST!!!") You see, my phone which was charging suddenly had a Rally-X background, all the ringtones were replaced with Rally-X sound effects and music, and i now have Rally-X Rumble on my phone. (Bonesy:"WHAT THE FUCK IS A RALLY-X RUMBLE??!?!??!) I guess Rally figured out how to make sure he would always be able to get someones attention.Once i got an angry phone call from someone who had received a prank phone call.I still think of Rally as a friend, (Bonesy:"WHY!?!") and sometimes i still talk to him.Whenever i talk about the last incident, he changes the subject. It appears to make him uncomfortable. Rally knew what was going on outside of his game. (Bonesy:"BUT HOW!???!") I don't know whether all games are capable of this. Like i said earlier, none of the other games in the arcade talked to me. But was that by choice,or because they were incapable? (Bonesy:"I'm willing to bet a lot of money on "Choice".) I tried asking Rally,but he still says it's because he's better, (Bonesy:"Narcissistic bastard.) so i guess i'll never really know for sure. (Bonesy:"Soooo,all he did was talk to you, break a game,burn you,and hack your phone? Nobody died? BUUULLLLSSSSHHHHIIIITTT!!!!! AND YOU NEVER TOLD US YOUR NAME,WHAT THE FUCK WRITER!?!??!?!?!) (As Bonesy said those last words, the scroll in front of him was set ablaze, and turned to ash before him.) (And so, as Bonesy were running out of his cell which has just been recently unlocked, he saw Memez and the Creepypasta Critic at the library door, Memez is conversing to some levitating spherical entity and the Critic is attempting to break the door, but failed and instead he broke the handle off. Fuck. This entity, known as "Oiram" was apparently present in the location. Bonesy: Shit, guys, what the actual heck is going on? CPC: So, you guys are all here. I cannot escape this damn library, like seriously what the fuck does this library want from me? Memez: Hmm, I don't know either, but mostly likely anomalies. Oiram: Now that you challengers are all here... I present this shitty story, "Ihsoy"! *summons a giant book with Ihsoy on it* CPC: I don't come here to challenge any of you bastards. I don't give a damn fuck. Oiram: Just review, you damned crap. CPC: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. You guys ready? Bonesy: Yes. Memez: I'm ready to fuck this fucker up. Oiram: ...Uh. CPC: GO WITH THE POWERS OF CRITICISM! MEANWHILE, ON THE OTHER SIDE I GUESS... Flandre: Fufufu, this is gonna be fun. That's pretty much it. And so, they reviewed the shitty story with the powers of criticism!) Part 4: Ih(ate)soy(milk) So it was August 18th, 2012, (CPC: at around 9:45, on a cloudy day, when my grandparents died in a horrific car crash,) which was the day before New Super Mario Bros. 2 was released for the 3DS, as well as the year the Wii (CPC: Space, you dumbass.)'U would be released, along with many other games, such as '(CPC: These sentences must be in some kind of marathon, because they’re running on and on!) (Memez: You know, run-on sentences) 'New Super Mario Bros. U, ZombiU, Luigi’s Mansion 2: Dark Moon, Paper Mario: Sticker Star, and many other great games. '(CPC: Hmm………….ZombiU being good……….right. Because when Game Informer calls your game “sloppy and poorly executed”, you just know your game is a winner.) '''This story is about my creepy encounter with one of these games, New Super Mario Bros.2. (CPC: THEN WHY THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU TALK ABOUT THE WII U STUFF?!? (Memez: That's pointless as fuck then, because it's just for the bloody sake of being there, I suppose.))' (Side note '(CPC: If this is a side note, shouldn’t it be written on the side instead of in the middle? Oh, quit booing me!): This is written in a future perspective, in which it is supposedly '''(Memez: Supposedly? If you're writing it then you SHOULD FUCKING KNOW THE DATE THAT IT IS BEING WRITTEN YOU GODDAMNIDIOT) being written 8 years after the events occurred, (CPC: OK, now I know. Thanks for clarifying, narrator……….who is telling us the story right now in the present!) which obviously isn’t true, (CPC: Oh my god, the narrator is telling us himself that his story is fake and made up! Someone castrate me! That completely ruins any sign of illusion that creepypastas are SUPPOSED TO CONTAIN! (Memez: Because this pasta is unbelievable all the way to the end, anyone hardly believes in this piece of shit anyway)) since it’s still October 2012 as I’m writing this.) (CPC: So remember kids, if October 2012 is 2 months after August 2012, that could also translate to October 2012 being 8 years after August 2012. They’re gonna ask you that on all the Regents exams, trust me!) (Bonesy:Pointless information:1 Good Storytelling:0) Less than a year prior to New Super Mario Bros. 2’s release was Super Mario 3D Land’s release, and, considering I’d loved the cape in Super Mario World and the Tanooki Suit in Super Mario Bros. 3, I purchased both games. (CPC: So, you spent around 25 bucks of your hard earned money to buy 2 games because………….the powerups in them were TOTALLY NEATO, DUDE?) There was only so much to do in Super Mario 3D Land, (CPC: “Because unlike ZombiU, SM3DL is actually a GOOD game.”) (Bonesy:Am i the only one here who doesn't understand what the fuck a Tanooki Cape is?) and I 100% completed it in less than a week (CPC: You know that there’s still fun to be had with a completed game, right? Just erase the save and play again! Dang ol’ whippersnappers these days, I tell ya what!) (granted, I did spend almost half of my week playing it, and another quarter playing Mario Kart 7 (CPC: You don’t need quarters to play Mario Kart 7. It isn’t an arcade game.) and messing around with the features of my newly acquired 3DS), leaving me waiting for the next Mario game to come out, eager for something else to do. (CPC: So, basically, our protagonist’s only hobby is playing Mario games, even though he said that ZombiU was a good game, and that game had nothing to do with Mario. USE YOUR THOUGHTS, WRITER! USE YOUR THOUGHTS!) This explains why I was so eager to get NSMB2 that I got it on the release date, which was August 19th for those who didn’t know. (CPC: By god……………………..this is some of the most blatant repetition I’ve ever seen. At least in the other pastas I’ve shit on, they knew when they repeated bullshit back into my face!) Well, August 19th in America. I’m not quite sure when it was released in Japan. (CPC: Oh no, please, after you, my good sir! If you’re an expert on Mario, please explain every fucking specific detail on this game’s release in Japan! In fact, write a book on it! Title it “NSMB2: Why Japan Got A Video Game Before Us (Which They Always Do) And Why You Should Know The Exact Date Of When NSMB2 Was Released In Japan”! (Memez: That wouldn't make this pile of crap a pasta anymore, through. More like an "explainpasta.")) I looked at the downloadable version’s price, and (CPC: Let’s see…..this is a pasta about a video game…… Hmm, what’s missing?......... OH YEAH, WE’RE GOING THERE! BRING OUT THE FUCKING CHECKLIST!!! (Memez: I'd get my goddamn cliche counter ready too, version "Video Game Cliche Detector 4000." And a backup one, just in fucking case. (The Mind: *summons an active cliche counter and an inactive cliche counter))) then I went to my GameStop to see if someone had purchased it, (CPC: Protagonist goes to a video game store to purchase his fate. CHECK! (Memez: CLICHE COUNT: 1. Video game cliche 12. Buying the game from someone at a yard sale, even if it's not yard but fuck it.)) '''decided they didn’t like it, and brought it to GameStop, and, sure enough, some people did. (CPC: The public already hates the game one day in it’s release, so they bring it to Gamestop instead of selling the wanted, new game on Ebay. CHECK!) (Memez: Oh, and plus, RUN-ON SENTENCES!) In fact, they had 1 returned copy left, (CPC: Only 1 copy of the game that the horrible protagonist can buy. CHECK!) but there was no picture on the front, rather a really crappy label that read ‘new mario 2’ in sloppy cursive handwriting. (CPC: Ooh, a haunted and mysterious label at the official store! CHECK!)' '(Bonesy:Why sloppy cursive handwriting? Why not sloppy print writing?)' '(Memez: CLICHE COUNT: 2. Video game cliche 4. The cartridge/label shows obvious signs of tampering.))' At the time, this didn’t bother me much, and I bought it anyways. '(CPC: Protagonist continues to be a dumb plot device and buys the haunted and mysterious game! CHECK!)' It was a dollar cheaper than the downloadable version, '(CPC: Protagonist gives an incredibly cheapass reason to buy said haunted game! CHECK! (Memez: I don't know if this "haunted game with a cheaper price" is supposed to be an actual cliche, but it's probably is so CLICHE COUNT 3. Video game cliche 22. The person who sold the game (yard, eBay, whatever)' '''begging people to buy it, and for a low price too. There's too many of those.))' which was $39.99 if my memory serves me correctly, (CPC: By goodness, HE REMEMBERS THE EXACT PRICE NOW?!? (Ha! In your face! I’m not summoning God tonight, I’m not summoning God tonight!) (Bonesy:So, other people get their shitty cliche ridden game for a dollar and your excited about 39.99? HA.Loser) 'and I’m one for saving money, even if it’s only a dollar. '(CPC: “The consequences? I don't care about the consequences. I just care about keeping one more buck in my pocket. Ah, the fact that the Gamestop manager’s feeble mind is easily manipulated by cheapos like me and talentless employees is no skin off my nose. Survival of the cheapest, SpongeBob! Survival of the cheapest!”) When I went to the counter to purchase it, the cashier didn’t freak out about how I should just take it for free or anything, (CPC: Writer tries to avoid “free game cliché”, but is quite tact about it and thus fails miserably at writing this section out. FUCKING CHECK!) he just told me that I was 38 dollars and 99 cents in the (Memez: man)'hole, '(CPC: When was a hole introduced in the story? And now the writer’s telling us that he’s a living, breathing pile of cash?..............................I’m sorry, guys. I’m having too much fun. You can stop booing me right about now.) so I paid for the game, gave the cashier a three-dollar-tip, (CPC: You…………………………………gave the cashier……….who did ABSOLUTELY nothing helpful…………a three dollar tip,………………BUT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO SPEND AN EXTRA BUCK THERE BUYING A GAME THAT WOULDN’T SCAR YOU FOR LIFE?!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE WRITING! IT BURNS!) and left the store.' (The Mind: Three cliches already? I'm sure this is getting ridiculous all the way to the fucking end, for sure. Memez: Not just ridiculous, but it is gonna give us a headache, I suppose. These mansion residents like to prank with us doesn't they?) As soon as I got home, I registered the game on Club Nintendo’s website,(CPC: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???) (Bonesy:And not a single fuck was given that day) then instantly took the game out of its case and snapped it into my 3DS. (CPC: If you can snap your fingers to make a 3DS cartridge fly into the system’s cartridge slot, then you, my good man, have some wicked skill. (Memez: Or rather, he's a fucking psychic. Especially considering that the cliches here are goddamn psychic they could give me a double migraine.)) As I turned on my 3DS, I noticed the home menu was no longer there, but replaced with 4 options: The game, New Super Mario Bros. 2, of which the logo wasn’t what it should be, (CPC: And………..HOW do you know this when you never played the game before?) but instead it was a picture of Yoshi, but his eyes were bloodshot and the whites of his eyes weren’t really that white, they were more of a disturbingly noticeably different shade of red, yet the difference was barely noticeable at the same time (Bonesy:ZOMG SEW MUCH BLOODY BLOOD ITS SOOOOOOO SCARY YEW GUIZE!!!!11!!!!ElEVEN!!) (Memez: CLICHE COUNT 4. General cliche 26. Characters with abnormal eyes (especially blood red eyes) and every one hates them because of it.). There was blood dripping from his chin. (CPC: Don’t worry guys. My CHECKLIST was only for the Gamestop scene! (Memez: My cliche counter is still active, soooooooo, CLICHE FUCKING COUNT 5. Video game cliche 3. Classic childhood game with super-violent content added. Also, adding to that, it's already expected since this part about fucking blood is coming, what's not to like?)) This freaked the crap out of me, and I instantly shut off the system (Bonesy:FINALLY, a Creepypasta protagonist with some SENSE! Oh wait, theres still more to this pasta....FUCKDAMMIT.) (Memez: "HOLY FUCKITY OF FUCKS THIS GAME IS OBVIOUSLY HAUNTED I'M NOT GOING TO PLAY IT... Or maybe later."). The other three options, before I continue with the story, were DS download play, Pictochat, and gameboy advanced cartridge play, although both pictochat and gba cartridge play were crossed out since the 3DS didn’t have these features. The original DS and the DS Lite, however, did. That’s the other reason I freaked out. (CPC:……………………………………..WHAT? Just………………………….WHAT? Was that supposed to……………scare us? Of course not, the writer can’t write for retards if he tried.) (Bonesy:*Holds hand up into air* Teacher? Will this be on the Mid-Terms?) I now owned 2 DS Lites, or so I thought; later I’d taken the cartridge out and found that everything that was on my 3DS prior to this incident was perfectly intact. '(CPC: Thank you for spoiling the protagonist’s fate while also disappointing me! I’m so upset that the protagonist doesn’t die in this story! '(Memez: Oh, in fact, if he actually did, then there's this goddamn inevitable cliche: I died.))' After turning the system on and off again several more times, thinking it was a glitch (Memez: I don't know if this counts or not, but CLICHE COUNT 6. Video game cliche 20. Thinking that certain things were just some "minor glitches".), I realized nothing would change and decided to select the game. (CPC: Well maybe, you should take the cartridge out as said ONE SENTENCE AGO and throw it in your local dump. Quality over quantity, bitch!) When I did, however, the console shut off again, making a loud popping noise as it did. It turned back on 1 or 2 seconds later. When the console restarted, I started on the main menu of the game, looking as I had seen it on GameXplain and various other videos I’d seen on YouTube. When I selected the first option, however, there was 1 used file, the third one, but Mario's face wasn't on the file, (CPC: HOW DID YOU KNOW MARIO’S FACE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE WHEN YOU NEVER PLAYED THE FUCKING GAME?!?!?) rather the picture of the extremely demonic Yoshi from the logo. (Bonesy:DEEMUNS ARE SEW SCAREE YEw GUISE!!! Writers Mom: I shouldve taken the day-after pill with you.) There was 1 available file, the first one. The second one was simply grayed out with the words ‘Not enough memory space to proceed!’ written over it. (CPC: You know, the modern era isn’t the era of the NES. Don’t games have like a bazillion memory gigabytes in them these days?) I simply ignored this (Memez: "as a glitch and moved on") and decided to check out what progress the third file had on it. To my surprise, the guy had already 100% completed the game, and he’d collected several million coins, (CPC: Fun fact: It takes approximately 50-60 days to count to one million if you DON’T SLEEP for that entire amount of time. And the third save file has SEVERAL million coins on it. What, the previous owner didn’t need to eat, drink, spend time with his/her family, piss or shit? Plus, the protagonist found this used game at Gamestop CLOSE TO IT’S RELEASE DATE, which means that those several million coins COULD NOT HAVE BEEN EARNED. IN THAT GODDAMN RELEASE DATE!) something I’d somehow missed at the Main Menu. (CPC: Don’t worry. I can understand how you missed that. Because you’re an idiot.) One thing I did wonder was ‘How in the WORLD could he have collected 4 and a half million coins in just a few hours?’ (Memez: Anomalies.) The game couldn’t possibly have given the player THAT many coins, (CPC: *facepalm*) and the game couldn’t possibly be that easy to 100%. He’d either used GameShark or Live Action Replay or something, or he was just an extremely hardcore Mario fan, (CPC: Symbolism, I like it!) most likely the first. (CPC:……………………………I’m saying it again, WHAT?!? (Memez: Seconded. WHAT?!?! (Bonesy:Meh, might as well join the bandwagon. WHAT???))) He was in the Star World. (Bonesy:I don't play Mario games, so i'm imagining Star World as Post-Apocalyptic New York.) I touched the World 1 icon on the touch screen (Memez: Obviously), but found myself being teleported to the New Super Mario Bros. Wii world map. This really didn’t bother me that much except for the fact that the fortress looked like the New Super Mario Bros. Wii one as opposed to the New Super Mario Bros. one and the one I’d seen in the Star World. I entered the first level and played through it. It played through just as it had in the various videos of it I’d seen on YouTube, but with different graphics. The question marks on the ? blocks were written in blood, as it appeared (Memez: If it appeared like that, I think some idiots wrote that in red sharpie), and whenever I stomped on a goomba or burned a koopa, there would be a small blood stain on the screen where that enemy was. I beat the level with 2 star coins, 666 coins, (Bonesy:ZOMG GUISE IT'S 666 ITS TEH DEEVILS NUMBERH I'M SEW EDGY AND ORIGINAL!!!) (CPC: Oh, gee! I could make fun of anything! I mean, the possibilities are endless!) (Memez: CLICHE COUNT: 7. General cliche 4. The numbers 6, 13, and 666.) and 333 seconds remaining. (By the way, 2 divided into 666 is 333)' (Bonesy:For the three year olds reading this, here's some basic math.)' (CPC: By the way, you just blatantly added a goddamn cliché to your pasta for no particular reason, which you were trying NOT to do at the Gamestop scene!) (Memez: OK. Now I know, thanks for clarifying, I would have never figured that out on my own.) Right then, a message box popped up and read ‘You should have stopped sooner. It is too late now.’ (CPC: I know I should have, but I’m doing a collab with my buddies and I don’t want to disappoint. (Memez: Oh, sure you do dude. Also, CLICHE COUNT 8. Video game cliche 15. The game's talking to me, telling me to go away, turn back or something of that sort. Adding to it, IT HAS NO EXACT WARNING THAT SHIT WILL FUCKING HAPPEN.)) This next part is where I decided this was either a hacked copy or a haunted copy. (CPC: Oh, the protagonist couldn’t tell the fucking difference until NOW? (Memez: And that is where THIS comes in. CLICHE COUNT 9. Video game cliche 2. Haunted cartridge)) I reentered level 1-1 to find the third star coin, but all I found was the fact that the level was just an ocean of blood now (Bonesy:Blood makes EVERYTHING SCARIER! Writers Friend:But...a whole ocean? Writer: YES A WHOLE OCEAN YOU COCKMOLLUSK I HAVE A SPECIFIC VISION!!!!) (Memez: "Yes, blood TOTALLY makes everything scary!").' '''When I reached the midway point, the picture of the abused Yoshi showed up on screen. I had 3D on, so I was scared half to death '(Memez: REALLY? YOU GOT LITERALLY SCARED HALF TO DEATH?!?!) (Bonesy:Why not two-thirds to death?)' I’d used to be a huge fan of Yoshi, '(CPC: “I would hog the computer for the premiere of every Yoshi game, and yell at my younger brothers if they so much as said a word before the game premiered, which was usually around several months to a year.”)' but starting then, I wasn’t quite so much anymore. '(CPC: I can see that the writer’s trying to scare the readers more than he’s trying to dive into how realistic the protagonist is, but that’s not how likes and dislikes work. That’s like saying you hate Teen Titans Go because you saw the first twenty seconds of the first episode and thought to yourselves “OH MY GOD, RAVEN’S A PEGASISTER! CHANGE THE CHANNEL THIS INSTANT!!!”) (Bonesy:WAIT, RAVENS A PEGASISTER??? FUCKDAMMIT, I KIND OF LIKED HER!)' When the picture disappeared from the screen, my player was gone, and in his place was the Yoshi, pleased, as though he had just finished eating Mario. And my proof that he did? '(CPC: Where did I go wrong,)' I lost a life. '(CPC: Somewhere along in my pain and strife.' '''And I would have stayed up with you all night.' Had I known how to save that light. (Don’t you go around judging my improvisation. I was just ticked off at the song because “night” doesn’t rhyme with “life”.)) I appeared on the world map, but now I wasn’t just Mario anymore. Now, I was a neglected version of Mario, just like Yoshi- Mario’s eyeballs were bloodshot, and blood was dripping from his chin. (CPC: I thought our protagonist was a huge wad of cash! Now he’s a beaten up version of Mario?!? (Memez: Oh god, he's a shapeshifter. Call the Ghostbusters this instant, even through I'm a paranormal researcher!)) (The Mind: A shapeshifter THAT can turn into representations of a horrible protagonist and cliches.) I concluded here that the demon passed from person to person as the demonic person murdered another, so Yoshi was presumably perfectly fine now (Bonesy:How in Cthulhu's name did you come to that conclusion?) (Memez: Soooooooo, if the antagonist is an invisible demon based off digital coding that can haunt characters by murdering them, THEN CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE LOGICAL REASON THE TITLE OF THIS BULLCRAP IS "IHSOY" IF IT'S NOT EXACTLY ABOUT IHSOY?!?! This should be preferably named "The New Super Mario Bros 2 Cartridge Demon," that'd be MUCH better. Better than the corruption going on the Trollpasta Wiki right fucking now.). I proceeded through the level, although it wasn’t me that was controlling it, Mario was controlling himself. Rather, Oiram (Bonesy:ZOMG U GUISE MY CHARACTERZ NAME IS BACKWARDZ IM SEW ORIGINULL AND KEWL!!! Also, don't be using my last name, bitch.) (oh-ee-ram) (Bonesy:I preferred Oy-Ram) was controlling himself. (Oiram: ''“Ah, my time to shine! Better put on my fancy suede shoes, because I’m gonna blow the crowd away!”'' CPC: The only thing that’s gonna be blown away is you, when we grind you into powder after we’re done.) I called him Oiram since Oiram was Mario backwards, (CPC: *headdesk*) (Memez: ........Obviously.) (Bonesy:Is this guy writing for his three year old sister or his three hundred year old grandma?) and since he wasn’t really Mario anymore, really just a backwards, twisted version of himself. (*CPC looks at Oiram* Why dis the protagonist call you twisted? Oiram: ''“Well, I DID lock you in a library for no well explained reason just so you guys could kill me whilst I sit here awaiting my death, doing absolutely nothing whatsoever to stop you three. It’s anyone’s call.”'' Memez: "I'm not sure who did it either. Screw you, Flandre, screw you...) Therefore, the demonic Yoshi was really Ihsoy (ih-soi) (Bonesy:Nope.It's Eye-so-ee for now on. Just because fuck you). When Oiram reached the end of the level, he grabbed the top of the flagpole, but, rather than gaining a life, he lost one (Memez: Makes total sense). Princess Peach was behind the flagpole, and she was overjoyed to see Mario as she was stranded there. (CPC: Isn’t the whole point of most Mario games to, oh, I don’t know, RESCUE PRINCESS PEACH FROM BOWSER?!?!? Even MARIO FUCKING PINBALL LAND got this right, and that’s the worst official Mario game of all time! Oiram: ''“Well I guess my game isn’t like MOST Mario games.”'' CPC: Pure bullshit. It’s just a poor excuse for the author’s bad writing.) She didn’t know it was really Oiram. (CPC: Because no one in the world could tell the difference between Mario and Oiram. After all, Oiram’s supposed to be the COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF MARIO! Oiram: “''I put on Mario’s costume when I met Peach. After this successful encounter, I tried it on in the real world for a few months, and everyone thought I was just a crazy person who couldn’t let go of the fact that this year’s Comic-Con ended.”'' CPC: Oh, shut up. Memez: No one called paranormal researchers? LIES.) A picture of Oiram appeared on the screen for the same amount of time as the picture of Ihsoy did. When it was gone, Princess Peach was lying on the ground, dead, and over her was the demon, ripping her apart bit by bit. (Bonesy:POINTLESS VIOLENCE TOETS McSCROTES AKES IT SCARY U GUIZES) I looked away for roughly 2 minutes here, so there are no details here, but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to hear them anyways. (CPC: I don’t want to hear any more of your horrible writing anyways!) (Memez: No, I need the goddamn information. The Mind wants to know.) Oiram was standing perfectly still, content with himself. He suddenly collapsed and dissolved into the air. The demon crawled into Princess Peach. Her final words were, “Mario… How could you?” (CPC: “Et tu, Mari-e?”) (Memez: She's already dead in the second previous paragraph. Therefore, how can she utter words in this situation?........UNLESS WE USE FUCK LOGIC AND SAY THAT THE AUTHOR FORGOT TO PUT THAT BEFORE OIRAM FUCKING RIP HER APART.) She finally was taken over by the demon, and was now Hcaep Ssecnirp (Hu-cay-ep sec-nerp) (Bonesy:That sounds stupid. You are stupid.). This was the first point I considered giving up on the game, but curiosity killed the cat (Memez: Quote Ms. Fortune, "Curiosity can't kill me."), didn’t it? Or, in this case, curiosity killed everyone. Curiosity is a dangerous, dangerous thing... (CPC: So true. I was curious as to whether or not this story would be entertaining or scary. (Memez: According from my observations, it ends up more like "horribly entertaining")) At this point, I gave up on the first level and decided to move on to the second (Memez: I thought you gave up on playing the game, BUT YOU KEEP PLAYING ANYWAY?!?!) In World 1-2, Mario was back to normal. Mario was Mario, not Oiram. I started to move. After moving about 8 tiles, Hcaep Ssecnirp appeared at the start of the level, where Mario had been just milliseconds before. Hcaep Ssecnirp started chasing Mario, but she was running at an extremely fast pace, (CPC: GOTTA GO FAST!) and it all happened so fast that I barely had any time to react. By the time I reacted about half a second later, she was already only 3 tiles behind Mario. Mario started to run at full speed, but Hcaep Ssecnirp was running a bit faster. Mario came out the pipe, and Hcaep had entered it. Mario ran past the first group of bricks, and Hcaep had been under the last one. This stressful chase went on throughout the first half of the level (Memez: You know, the Benny Hill Theme would've fit in this situation) until Hcaep had caught up with Mario. Mario was knocked down as Hcaep dug into Mario’s stomach. Naturally, I looked away for about 3 minutes. I then looked through my fingers to see if it was over (Bonesy:Are you fucking seven?), and it was. Oiram was back, but he lay on the ground, fainted. There was no sign of Mario or Hcaep Ssecnirp, but Princess Peach was there, looking over the knocked out Oiram. She started to reach out to try to help Oiram, but she thought twice (Memez: Are you a mind reader? If so, can you please kindly clarify what exactly did she thought twice? I'm going to ask Satori about this.) and backed away. She quickly turned around and broke into a sprint until she found help. Yoshi was underneath the group of bricks toward the beginning of the level, and Yoshi was running to the right, as if he was chasing Hcaep Ssecnirp and Mario, trying to see what was happening. Princess Peach told Yoshi what was going on and that Yoshi needed to take them back above ground to where (CPC: food,) shelter (CPC:, and a roaring fire) was. Yoshi agreed to help Peach and allowed Peach to ride him to safety. Yoshi flutter-jumped up to the pipe that entered the level and they entered it. (CPC: 10/10 WORLD CLASS ENTERTAINMENT IN THE FORM OF WRITING, I’M NOT READING THIS EVER AGAIN –IGN) Being above ground was no better though, as everything there was now flooded with a sea of blood as well as the first level. (Bonesy:Was the blood hyper-realistic though? (Memez: As hyper-realistic as a crappy sockpuppet.)) I’d like to insert here that, although I (Memez: sensibly) considered at least 20 times in this minute of the game to simply rip out the game cartridge, throw it to the ground, and stomp on it for at least 3 and a half hours, I didn’t, (CPC: *screams loudly into pillow*) (Memez: *cliche counter goes into a fit of reality incursion and explodes*) because I knew I needed to finish this game if I wasn’t going to have nightmares for a week until I committed suicide. (CPC: …………………………………………………………………………………………………….BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOODNE- BWAHAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-----*giggle* he needs to keep playin HAHAHAHA---- so he doesn’t- *snicker*----- commit suicide!- OH MY GOODNESS, BWAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA- ok I’m done.) 'So I kept playing. Yoshi simply flutter-jumped over the entire level, as if it was no problem. '(CPC: I’m pretty sure that flutter jump sound effect Yoshi always makes would give me a headache if I had to constantly listen to it for more than ten seconds.) At the end, Yoshi and Peach grabbed onto the flagpole, as you would expect, and slid down, pulling the Bowser flag down, and pulling up another flag in its place. However, this flag didn’t have a Mario Symbol, a Luigi Symbol, or a Princess Peach symbol. (CPC: “It had a Yoshi symbol! And everyone lived happily ever after!”........................................No, I wish that happened. Instead,) this flag bore the symbol of the demon who had been taking control of everyone’s bodies (Memez: WHICH LOOKS LIKE?!?! Please clarify.) (Bonesy:AAaaannnd he never does.Lets assume it's an ASCII penis.). At the end of the level complete animation, Princess Peach and Yoshi were struck to the ground by none other than Oiram. Oiram started ripping Yoshi and Peach apart again, and my mind told me to look away again (The Mind: "I've told you to not visualize an event that would mentally scar you for the rest of this goddamn story, BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN!"), but for some reason I couldn’t do it. (CPC: *quick snicker* Imagine how THAT must have played out. Peach must have been like: “Thanks you so muc- OWWWWW, MY FACE! IT’S GETTING TORN IN EVERY AREA BY THE DEMON! MY BODY! I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS! THE PAIN! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS! OH, THE CRUEL, AGONIZING AGONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *happy, catchy level complete jingle plays*) I don’t know why at all, because I could control my eyes to look around the screen, but it was almost as if there was some invisible barrier preventing my eyes from looking beyond it. I just couldn’t bring myself to look away (Memez: THEN WHY YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO USE YOUR HANDS TO CLOSE YOUR EYES?!?!). Either way, I’m not telling you what it looked like, because it looked absolutely disturbing and disgusting. (CPC: Eh, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. After all, I had the balls to sit through some episodes of Mega Babies and Mr. Pickles without vomiting or crying in horror!) After Oiram ripped Yoshi and Princess Peach apart, Oiram dissolved into the air and Princess Peach and Yoshi were mutating into Hcaep Ssecnirp and Ihsoy. I hadn’t noticed that they’d mutated into the demonic versions before, only that they had been replaced by them. After this level, the world map switched back from the New Super Mario Bros. Wii world 1 map to the regular New Super Mario Bros. 2 world 1 map displayed in the YouTube videos. This is where the game got somewhat normal for a little while. Throughout the rest of World 1 and all of Worlds 2 and 3, the demonic people weren’t murdering each other (Memez: This makes no goddamn sense. There was only one demon, but then there are suddenly more demons all of the sudden?), although I would occasionally get a text box saying that Ihsoy and Hcaep Ssecnirp were c'(u)'ming for Mario (the text box didn’t actually call them Ihsoy and Hcaep Ssecnirp, but it did say something along the lines of them coming after Mario). Once I arrived in World 4-1, however, it was worse than the first two levels. The level was exactly like the Cheese Bridge Area from Super Mario World (Memez: If it look like a certain area of another game, then can you please kindly clarify what makes it "bad" in any logical sense?), other than the graphics, which were normal to New Super Mario Bros. 2. At the time, I had no clue as to whether or not it was supposed to be like this since I hadn’t seen any videos about World 4-1 yet. The creepiest part about it was that the bridge had a few blood stains on it here and there (Bonesy:Must i reiterate about the whole blood is scary thing?) (Memez: Oh, YOU COULD HAVE JUST FUCKING SAID THAT EARLIER!). As I progressed through the level, the blood stains grew more and more common, until I reached the end of the level. By that point, the bridge tiles were entirely red with blood, and I found there Ihsoy and Hcaep Ssecnirp, ripping apart Mario’s own brother, Luigi. They finished Luigi off and looked up to see Mario. They started chasing him. Mario starting running backwards through the level, as Luigi mutated in Igiul (Eej-ih-wol). (Bonesy:Bless you.) (CPC: brotheritis shitonicus) Igiul, Ihsoy, and Hcaep Ssecnirp chased Mario backwards through the level until Mario got to a good place to attempt to jump over the three of the demon characters. Unfortunately, by the time Mario started to jump, Igiul, Ihsoy, and Hcaep Ssecnirp had struck Mario down and started to tear him apart. This is where this game got really weird (Memez: It was already weird since you witness beaten up and horribly fucked up version of characters! Can this illogical batshit get beyond that?). Apparently, Bowser had heard about what was going on (CPC: Ay, a lil’ Parakoopa told ‘im!) and decided no one was allowed to ‘defeat’ Mario (like Bowser did anyways) except for him (yeah, like that’s gonna happen) (CPC: Pointing out your noticeable idiocy & incoherence of the Mario franchise does NOT make it go away!) and decided to come whoop'(ie cushion)' the demonic characters. Bowser fought off Igiul, Ihsoy, and Hcaep Ssecnirp until they just left for a while. (CPC: And after that, Bowser achieved Mary Sue status!) (Memez: That sentence pretty much sums up the entire pasta.) Bowser helped Mario up and kicked him past the next few levels. The level was exited and I was taken to the world map as Mario flew past a few levels to World 4-5. In World 4-5, my character started on top of a rather high cliff. I jumped off of it to find the rest of the level below the screen. To the right, there was the entrance to an underground tunnel. I tried continuing to the right above ground, but the screen would scroll any further, so i decided to enter it. Once in the tunnel, I ran further to the right for almost ten minutes. Eventually, Mario ran into Igiul, sitting there, ripping out Bowser's insides, so I, of course, covered my eyes (Memez: "And, while at that, wondering why I, being a dumb plot device of a protagonist, didn't do the sensible to cover my eyes with my hands since the scene where Oiram tore the fucking guts out of Yoshi and Princess Peach!"). I took my hands away from my eyes when it was over, and saw that Igiul was gone, and Bowser was replaced with Reswob (Rez-wob). (CPC: lizardousis steroidica) At this point, I thought to myself, Wow, 'Reswob' has striking resemblance to 'Reznor.' (Bonesy:The fuck are you talking about you shite headed excuse for a writer?) By this point, I thought I had put all of the pieces together, and I now believed that the return of Reznor to the Mario series had caused all of this. (CPC: Didn’t Ihsoy cause all of this? I mean, he was the demonized character that started it all and had no reason to fuck up the game. Oh wait, I remember reading that Ihsoy word way before I read the file select scene. Oh yeah, in the FUCKING TITLE OF YOUR FUCKING PASTA!!!) (Memez: *Instantly retrieves a headache and had to stop commenting on this horrendous pile of crap for a minute and instead have The Mind try to cure his migraine.*) I did a speedrun through all of the levels up to the next level with a Reznor boss fight in it and prepared for the worst. (CPC: OK, this author has COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN that this is his first time playing the goddamn game.) Once I arrived at the boss fight, I was Fire Mario and had a leaf in my reserve. Reznor made his regular roaring sound, but this time, a message box popped up that read, 'You have been foolish to try to defeat me, Matthew. I am sorry to do this, but your life must end. (CPC: Woohoo! Finally! The protagonist’s about to die! At least the writer knows a thing or two about comeuppan- wait a second. *reads back a few paragraphs, and then double facepalms* HOW IS HE GONNA DIE IF HE SAID EARLIER HE CHECKED HIS 3DS AFTER THIS WHOLE CATASTROPHY OF A PASTA?) It's a shame that one such as yourself will perish soon after you. (CPC: No. It’s really not a shame. Please kill him.) And another, and another, and another (CPC: , and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and finally one more person who will find this game cartridge 3000 years into the future. Oh yeah, I’m a predictor, bitch!) "How do you know my name?" I muttered, "And what makes you think you have the autority to end my life?" (Bonesy:I think we should vote on giving this guy the authority to end the writers life. Oppose? No one.) (CPC: If the protagonist wants to bypass the game’s authority to kill him, then he should just stay in his house. As we all know, cars are killing machines!................................*sigh* OK, I know that I’m a terrible comedian sometimes. CAN YOU STOP BOOING ME NOW?) I'd think back now and feel (CPC: penny) foolish for talking to a video game, but it actually responded. "How do I know your name, you ask? The answer to that is simple. You've muttered your name in your sleep many times, Matthew. (CPC: When I watch you sleeping there is nothing that you hide When I smell you breathing there is a sweetness from inside) "It doesn't matter if I have the authority to kill you, Matthew, and I don't have to have the ability to kill my enemy, I only have to have a weak enemy." "Yeah," I responded, "and it's too bad that you're about to get owned. Once and for all!" (CPC: But doesn’t the protagonist already own the game? I mean, he did buy it from Gamestop.) (Memez *after recovering from the migraine*: ALRIGHT, GUYS, I'M BACK AGAIN. Mindsy, what did I missed? The Mind: Well, you missed some cliches. *reads back paragraphes that aren't checked* Ah, here. General cliche 7. Pointless violence and excessive gore. Most of the time, it's just a lame attempt at shock value. And, video game cliche 8. The game knows my name (even though I never put it in anywhere/the game has no ability for me to change my characters/save files name. Memez: Excellent, gonna use this backup cliche counter. CLICHE COUNTER: 11) The text boxes stopped popping up, and the boss fight began. The platforms the Reznors were on were spinning quite a bit faster than they were in the other Reznor battles and the Reznors were throwing fireballs an awful lot faster than before, but I still managed to defeat them all one by one. (Memez: Nothing wrong here. Moving on.) I hit the block underneath the first Reznor, and Mario lost his Fire Flower. I defeated the second Reznor, and he shrunk down to small Mario. I pulled out my leaf for the next two Reznors. (CPC: And this is important…………BECAUSE?) As I did so, a picture of Ihsoy and Hcaep Ssecnirp lying on the ground as the demons possessing them started to get weaker. (Memez: According from what I've observed, a static picture of Ihsoy and Hcaep Ssecnirp lying on the ground wasn't mentioned once in this story........UNLESS WE USE FUCK LOGIC AGAIN AND SAY THAT THE GODDAMN IDIOT OF AN AUTHOR FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IT POPPED UP JUST NOW.) The demons were controlled by the Reznors. (Bonesy:Am i the only one here who doesn't know what the fuck a Reznor is?) Every time I defeated a Reznor, Mario lost a power-up, so after defeating two more, Mario had no more power- ups left, and he couldn't continue with the boss fight. (CPC: With the pattern as described to us, couldn’t he have defeated all 4 Reznors? He would have been on his last Small Mario before he lost a life.) A message box popped up. "I'm afraid it has to end, Matthew. Give up to the devil (Bonesy:Wait, IHSOY IS THE DEVL NOW?? WHAT THE ACTUAL CUCKING FUCKYFUCKFUCK????) and accept your fate. You cannot argue with your destiny, Matthew." (Memez: "Can I say something about destiny? Screw destiny! If this evil thing comes we'll fight it, and we'll keep fighting it until we whoop it. 'Cause destiny is just another word for inevitable and nothing's inevitable as long as you stand up, look it in the eye, and say 'You're evitable!'" YOU GODDAMN SCHOOL-FUCKING RETARD HIGH ON LSD COMBINED WITH MARIJUANA, THIS IS BULLSHIT! FUTURE ISN'T PREDESTINIED, IT IS CREATED! Oiram: So what? If someone or something manages to do something and it's just done, then it's destiny. Memez: I DON'T FUCKING CARE! IF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELSE FUCKING INTERVENED IT FROM HAPPENING, HOW CAN IT BE CALLED DESTINIED ANYMORE?!) "Yeah, I can't, which is why I'm glad this isn't it!" (CPC: Hmm……this interaction between the protagonist and his enemy is familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it… Oiram, Shitty Story’s ghost, and Dronian’s ghost simultaneously: Maybe we can help solve your current dilemma! CPC: No, it’s fine, you guys. Thanks for asking though! Hmm, now what was it………. Memez: Mindsy, please kindly tell these anomalies to kindly fuck off anyway. It's not helping it.) The message box disappeared and a picture popped up. The demons possessing Peach and Yoshi had died. Yoshi and Peach were now starting to get up. As they did, they started to cheer Mario on. Peach then said, "Don't worry, Mario! We can do it if we work together!" (CPC: Mario: EARTH! Peach: WIND! Yoshi: HEART! By their powers combined, they formed CAPTAIN PLANET!) Princess Peach and Yoshi suddennly ran onto the screen. Princess Peach gave Mario another leaf, and I continued to fight the Reznors. Yoshi hopped up onto the platforms and stuck his tongue out and ate two of the Reznors. Mario hit the block under another one, and there was one left. "I see how it is," the last Reznor said. "You think you have beaten me, but you haven't. This isn't the end." (CPC: For the love of God, REZNOR CAN’T SPEAK! THE ONLY THING HE DOES IS ROAR! God: Don’t worry, my son. I love everyone who lives on Earth. Except for anyone related to the Westboro Baptist Church. CPC: Don’t worry, God. I love you too! God: Good boy. Now give your old daddy some sugar. *Critic hugs God* God: Ah, there it is. That’s the Critic I know and love *Critic smiles* God: This still doesn’t make up for you being the cause of me missing that birthday. CPC: DAMNIT! God: God, out!) (MEANWHILE, ON THE OTHER SIDE... Memez: ...Did you see that? The Mind: Yeah. That's it? Memez: No homie love, no hug? The Mind: *transforms into Squigly* Yeah, here you go. *both decides to hug each other for no fucking reason whatsoever for exactly 10 seconds.* The Mind: *transforms back into a sphere* Okay, now please kindly go back to blowing up bad schools. Memez: Goddammit, dude. I'm blowing up this shitty story up first and THAT'S final of this shit! Screw you again, Flandre, screw you...) (Bonesy:But...Midna isn't here... I HAVE NO ONE TO HUG ME! *cries in a corner*.) "No, it isn't," I replied, "Not for me. I'm sorry to do this, but your life must end," I said, cleverly repeating what he'd said just moments earlier. I hit the B button and Mario jumped, defeating Reznor once and for all, and killing the demons possessing Luigi and Bowser. (Memez: Don't forget to mention that simply just jumping can defeat an entire Renzor boss fight! Okay that was pretty terrible.) "(Memez: Owl City:) This isn't the end..." Reznor whispered as he faded away. The level ended, and I said, "Yes, it is." (CPC: Oh golly, we sure got a wisecracker over here! Hoooo, doggy!) After this, the game played perfectly normally, and World 4-1 was no longer Cheese Bridge Area from Super Mario World. I never saw Yoshi again in the game, so I assumed that he wasn't supposed to be in the game to begin with. --- After all these years, I was looking through my closet for things to sell at a garage sell to get some extra money, when I came across the cartridge for this. I decided to see what I'd done on it, as I couldn't really remember what my progress was on it (Memez: ...Was that really important?). I popped it into my 3DS, and i clicked on the third file. I noticed that only the progress I'd made was still there, as I remembered that I had been playing on the previous owner's file, which was 100%. I went through all of the worlds to check which star coins were missing, only to find that I was only missing one star coin: the third star coin in World 1-1. I went back into World 1-1 a few times until I found the third star coin. I finally collected it, and my console suddenly shut off. I tried rebooting it a few times, but it never turned on. I tried plugging it into the charger, but it still refused. I tried a few different things until I finally decided that my 3DS was broken. (CPC: OH GOD, THE HORRIBLE FLASHBACKS I’M GETTING OF AFTERMATH, MINECRAFT, AND REDSTONEJESUS! MAKE IT STOP!)' The game's been much fun to play, but since my 3DS recently broke, my game has been rendered useless. '(CPC: Um………….you just need to…………BUY ANOTHER SYSTEM to fix that issue!) Because of this, I've decided to sell it as well as many other things in the garage sale. The reason I am typing this is so the next person to play this knows about the creepy things of this game and knows not to go back through to see what the third file has completed on it. This is where I conclude this tale (Bonesy: HAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU THINK THIS WAS GOOD!!), as I have nothing left to tell. If you want more, I'm sorry, but I no longer own that copy of the game, and I have no records of who bought it (Memez: Soooooooo, you REMEMBERED the exact fucking price of the game, but you didn't remembered who bought it only because your mind demands it?................Alright, you all ladies and gentlemen, skeletons and paranormal girls, I'm finished with this goddamn stupid shit.). Never forget to beware of Reznor. Never forget... (Bonesy:Who?) (When Oiram fell to the floor, dead after the gigantic amount of criticism thrown towards him, the lock on the door of the Library melted away as Remilia and Flandre walked in. They were laughing hysterically, as if they just told each other the greatest joke in the world. Bonesy:"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT!?!?!" Flandre:"The funniest thing EVER!" Titan:"Awww, i thought there was an actual party." Memez:"Why did you do this,again?" Remilia:"Well, for one, we wanted to see what you could do. And two, it was funny as hell." Bonesy squeezed his temples, which did absolutely nothing but it made him feel better. Bonesy:"So we just drove cross-dimension for a party that doesn't exist?" Flandre:"Yeah, i kinda feel bad about that. We could get some cake and some booze." Memez:"You also owe us gas money." Flandre:"Meh, seems fair. LET'S GET CRUUUUUUNNNKKK!!" Memez:"Wait, where's Patchouili? And why did she let you start a prank in her Library?" IN THE LIVING ROOM. Patchouili is passed out on a couch.Various accesories are drawn on her face, like a mustache,a monocle, and Dickbutt. BACK AT LIBRARY. Flandre:"Well, she didn't say we COULDN'T." Bonesy:"Ah,whatever.LETS GET SHITFACED!" Titan:"HELL YEAH!!!" They got some sake and some cake and absolutely crunked Scarlet Devil Mansion to hell and back.Everyone woke up with a pounding headache except for Bonesy (Being a skeleton has perks). The group said goodbye to Flandre and Remilia, piled into the ship, and flew off into their own dimension. Flandre:"We should invite them back some time. They're pretty cool guys." Remilia:"Yeah,we should.Wanna get some more cake?" Flandre:"Yeah!" Remilia and Flandre walked into the kitchen, opened up the box the cake ws supposed to be in, and were faced with naught but a note. "I O U another cake. Regards, Bonesy." Bonesy sat at the pilots chair, cake in hand.He nibbled at the end of it with a smile. THEND) ---- This collab was between American Titan, Godofmemez, and A Rather hilarious Bone Structure.Hope you enjoyed! If you didn't, then please kindly suck all of our dicks. Category:Archived Trollpasta